I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
