I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
