Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
