I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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