My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize