shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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