I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
