I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
