Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
