I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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