I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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