Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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