honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
