Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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