That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
