remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
