i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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