I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
