So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I supernannyed him into submission
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
