the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
