my mouth tastes like poor choices
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize