my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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