either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
