I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
