do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
