No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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