WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
