so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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