Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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