didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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