I'm gonna have a badass scar
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
