dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
