Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
