No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
