I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
