And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
