Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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