she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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