its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
