My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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