I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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