I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
