I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dignity is for republicans.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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