Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize