you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
