she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
