she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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