A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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