I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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