you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
