Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
