That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
