So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize