ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
