Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
