Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
