I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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