Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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