but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's never too late to be topless.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
