smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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