I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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