I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i now understand why vodka
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
