You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
