Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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