I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
