I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
