On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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