if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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