i already hear my dad disowning me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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