I just saw a hot homeless man
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
