I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
