You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
