You smell like stripper and shame
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
