i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
