Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
