My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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